Do you find yourself wanting a relationship, but repeatedly feeling drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable? And then when somebody is consistent, emotionally open, or genuinely interested in you, the attraction seems to disappear?
Many people experience this pattern, particularly people who grew up associating closeness, vulnerability, or emotional intimacy with shame, rejection, fear, or uncertainty. Over time, the nervous system can begin linking attraction with inconsistency, longing, or emotional distance rather than safety and connection.
For many LGBTQ+ people, especially gay men, early experiences of hiding parts of themselves or fearing rejection can quietly shape adult relationship patterns in ways that are often misunderstood as “self sabotage.” But very often, these patterns began as emotional survival strategies that once helped us stay safe.
In this video, I explore emotional unavailability, fear of intimacy attachment patterns, intimacy, and why safety can sometimes feel unfamiliar in relationships. If you’ve ever felt confused by your attraction patterns or stuck repeating the same relationship dynamics, I’d really encourage you to watch the video.
If any of this resonates with you and you’d like support exploring it further, I offer LGBTQ+ affirming therapy both online and in person from my practice in Manchester city centre. You’re welcome to get in touch to arrange a free 15 minute introductory call.