Perfectionism is something many people struggle with, but for a lot of LGBTQ+ people it can run much deeper than simply wanting to do well. Perfectionism can become a way of trying to avoid rejection, gain approval, or compensate for feelings of shame and not being fully accepted.
Many people grow up unconsciously believing that if they can just be successful enough, attractive enough, helpful enough, or accommodating enough, they might finally feel worthy of love, belonging, or acceptance. Over time, this can create anxiety, burnout, harsh self criticism, people pleasing, and a constant pressure to prove yourself.
The difficulty with perfectionism is that while it can look like confidence from the outside, underneath it is often driven by fear, shame, and the belief that the real version of ourselves is somehow not enough.
In this video, I explore perfectionism, shame, self worth, approval seeking, and why so many LGBTQ+ people end up chasing impossible standards in order to feel accepted or safe. I also talk about why healing often involves learning to let ourselves be seen more authentically rather than constantly trying to perform perfection. If you struggle with self criticism, pressure to achieve, or feeling like you always have to prove yourself, I’d really encourage you to watch the video.
If any of this resonates with you and you’d like support exploring it further, I offer LGBTQ+ affirming therapy both online and in person from my practice in Manchester city centre. You’re welcome to get in touch to arrange a free 15 minute introductory call.