Why do we sometimes run towards them?
Over the years, I’ve noticed how easy it is for people—including myself at times—to overlook warning signs in relationships. Sometimes those red flags even feel comforting, because they echo patterns we’ve known since childhood or past relationships. Familiar, yes. Healthy, no.
For LGBTQ+ people, the pull can be even stronger. Growing up with shame, rejection, or the pressure to fit in can shape what we expect from love. We might tell ourselves to settle, to stay quiet, or to hold onto someone who doesn’t really see us—because deep down we’re scared of being alone.
It’s a bit like beach combing with a metal detector. The machine will beep for anything—an old tin can or a piece of gold. Our instincts work the same way: they pick up signals, but not all of them are treasures. The real challenge is learning to pause, sort through what’s in front of us, and throw away the tin cans so we can keep searching for the gold.
Therapy is a space where we can slow down and listen to those instincts. Together, we can look at why you might be drawn to certain partners, how insecurities feed into those choices, and what a healthy, respectful relationship actually looks like for you. It’s not about blame—it’s about understanding and building the confidence to act on those gut feelings instead of ignoring them.
I offer a free 15-minute online intro session, if you’d like to see whether working with me feels like the right step.
You don’t need to keep running towards the red flags. You deserve relationships where you’re valued, respected, and free to be yourself.