Many people assume that red flags in relationships should be obvious and easy to walk away from. But in reality, we’re often drawn towards relationship dynamics that feel familiar, even when they’re unhealthy. Controlling behaviour, dishonesty, poor boundaries, emotional unavailability, or inconsistency can sometimes echo patterns we experienced earlier in life, making them feel strangely normal or emotionally compelling.

Trauma, attachment wounds, low self worth, and past relationship experiences can all influence what we tolerate, pursue, or mistake for connection. Sometimes our instincts pick up familiarity rather than safety, causing us to overlook warning signs in the hope that things will eventually change.

In this video, I explore why people can find themselves running towards red flags in relationships, how past experiences shape attraction and attachment, and why therapy can help us recognise unhealthy patterns so we can make space for healthier, more authentic connections.

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Developing greater self awareness is often the first step, but lasting change rarely comes through awareness alone. It usually involves learning to meet ourselves with compassion, understanding why these patterns developed in the first place, and recognising that they were often attempts to keep us safe, connected, or accepted. Therapy can provide a supportive space to explore these experiences, deepen self understanding, and begin moving towards choices that feel more authentic and aligned with who you are today.